


We All Fall Eventually

by Thesseli



Series: Demon's Grace [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crowley is Raphael, Demon Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fallen Angel Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-14 23:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21244001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thesseli/pseuds/Thesseli
Summary: Aziraphale thinks his choice damned him.  It didn't.





	We All Fall Eventually

It was not a nice day.

Aziraphale’s true memories were beginning to resurface once more. To Raphael, it felt like each new incident was closer and closer to the last, and each time it was more of a struggle to soothe the demon’s distress. He’d maneuvered Azira’s head into his lap while he stroked smooth, cool fingers over his skin…and, if they’d lingered at the demon-mark by Zira’s ear just a bit too long, well, he could put that down to worry over his friend’s condition.

“You’ll let me help you again?” Raphael inquired softly. It had taken more effort to calm him this time as well. 

For a moment it appeared that Aziraphale would say no. But in the end he just stared up into Raphael’s eyes and nodded. “Yes.” He looked world-weary, defeated. “I don’t want to be a demon. I don’t want to know what I am, I want to forget.”

“I can do that.”

The demon’s brow creased. “I can’t feel Her. I can’t feel Her love.” His voice shook. “It *hurts*.”

“I don’t want you to ever be in pain,” the archangel replied, his fingertips moving over Azira’s skin again. “It will all be better soon, I promise. And what you’ll be feeling once this is over will be *my* love. For you.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened slightly, and for a moment he was unable to speak. “Is that the love I feel when I think I’m still an angel?” he asked in wonder, looking in that moment like the angel he had once been. “Not Her love, but yours?” 

Raphael smiled gently. “Yes.”

This seemed to calm him further. “Before you do it, can you tell me one thing?” The demon rested a hand against Raphael’s, resigned. “What did I do that made me Fall? What could I have done that was so terrible?” He bit his lip. “Please, tell me the truth, even if I won’t remember it.”

“You gave your sword to the humans after they were cast out of the Garden,” explained the archangel, as he began the healing process. “You didn’t want them to be defenseless. What you did wasn’t wrong.”

Aziraphale’s brow creased. “God wanted us to love the humans. And I did. Why was I punished for helping them?”

“I don’t know, angel…and yes, you are still my angel, even as you are now,” Raphael stated, after the demon winced at the pet name. “But if you could Fall from an act of pure kindness, I’m pretty sure that means anyone could. Could, and still can, even now.” His voice trailed off. “Maybe we’ll all Fall, eventually...”

Aziraphale didn’t reply, the healing trance already taking effect. But Raphael was closer to the truth than he knew. I said nothing, of course, letting them have their moment.

When I created humanity, I made them to be unlike any other creature in existence – they were the first beings to possess both intelligence and free will. When I’d created the angels, they were made to be extensions of my will, but I realized later this wasn’t fair to them...especially after the Rebellion. That was why I wanted the angels to love the humans. I wanted humanity to show the angels what they could have, and what they could be – that they could have free will as well, and not simply remain as extensions of mine. 

Aziraphale was the first of these new and improved ethereal beings. A better type of celestial. Acting not in rebellion but of his own accord, all on his own, neither in response to my will nor intentionally opposing it. Aziraphale had made a decision that was completely his own, uninfluenced by anyone or anything else.

He thinks that choice damned him. It didn’t. 

When he made that choice, separating his will from mine, Aziraphale became his own person. A fully separate individual, no longer simply a part of me...and as such, no longer able to feel my love. But because he’d never known that kind of separation, it was confusing and painful and felt so wrong to him that he couldn’t interpret it as anything other than damnation. But this separation is required if the first and brightest of my creations are to grow and become more than they were initially created to be. This was my Plan all along...for my angels to transcend their original, assigned roles and choose their own destiny. 

Aziraphale was the first, but he will not be the last. His beloved Raphael, in all his attempts to protect the one he loves most, is well on his way to Falling as well. And so are a dozen of their fellow angels, all for their own reasons.

I am everywhere. I saw Aziraphale Fall, and I wept, but he could no longer remain where he was any more than a child can remain in the womb. And although birth is a painful process for a child, it is even more painful for the mother. I will mourn each separation as it comes, and continue weeping as my other angels Fall, and even though it hurts I know that it will ultimately bring joy and freedom to all of them. And someday I will tell them the truth. 

It is not damnation. It is birth.

**Author's Note:**

> Aziraphale's demon-mark is in the shape of the pawprint of a wolf, and is just in front of his right ear.


End file.
